She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize