Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
