She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
