Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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