So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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