I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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