Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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