he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
