kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
