Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
