that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize