If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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