She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Come see our sink grown plant.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
