he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
