You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
