I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
