i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
