just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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