Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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