Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
