Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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