Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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