That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize