Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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