Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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