Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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