While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
