I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
