Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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