he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
