true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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