I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
