So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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