I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
tell your sister to shave her snatch
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
