i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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