tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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