this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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