Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
