he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
