So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
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