Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize