i just had sex bonerless
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
