I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
