He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
