"it" just moved
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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