She's JV to your varsity
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We're too hungover to prance.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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