do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Holy shit dude........stairs
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize