im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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