He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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