There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
