Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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