I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
