The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
