it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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