How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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