Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
