it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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