i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We are all done wearing pants today
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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