My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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