I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
