Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
