the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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