I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
