You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
