did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
