It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
