im holly from the hills drunk
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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