Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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