I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
