i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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