i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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