So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
