I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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