then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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