covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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