I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
