I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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