I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
