Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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