im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
