They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
