i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
