I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Found the puke drawer
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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