I accidentally had phone sex last night
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
