just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize