you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
