just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
