I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
