$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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