I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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