found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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