This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
