Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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