She is in my trunk
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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