You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
