She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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