i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize