Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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