Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
whose ass print is on the piano?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
