I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
