If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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