I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
