Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
