people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
