I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
