I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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